The Lasting Perks of Being a Foreign Exchange Student – 39 Years Later

Next year, it will be 40 years since I first laid eyes on foreign soil. I left my hometown in May of 1974 to make the long flight to Cali, Colombia to be a foreign exchange student. I was only there about four months, but the experience changed me – I think for the better – and taught me lessons I would never have learned at home.

Even after all this time, I find myself thinking of Cali often. I have lost contact with the friends I made there, and even the family I lived with. Yet, those people helped to shape my personality and my world view. It was such an overwhelmingly positive experience. Sure, there were a few tense moments and a very few people that weren’t especially nice to me, but all in all, it was a journey I will never regret.

One thing I quickly learned is that people from the home country quickly become friends when they find themselves on their own in a strange place. Of course, going to Spanish classes at the Centro Colombo Americano together gave us an opportunity to get to know each other in the first place. After that, we spent many pleasant hours together, exploring the city, going to parties, or simply chatting about our lives in America.

Remembering this, I have been looking up hometown friends in the past month. Before I became an author, I used Facebook very little. My blog tour manager encouraged me to get involved in social media so I could familiarize readers with my book. The transition has made me more outgoing – both on the Internet and off. I once was afraid to contact old friends from the past, thinking that I left in too big a hurry and didn’t even get to say goodbye to many of them. But, with the help of Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads, I have been able to reconnect with my hometown, just as I reconnected with my home country while in Cali.

It’s funny, but when I was that frightened and naïve young girl that got off the plane in a foreign land, I imagined that people in this strange country would be quite different from me. After the first night, I had already realized that people are people wherever you go. They may speak a different language and have different customs, but they have problems to overcome, family members to deal with, challenges to meet, things to laugh about, and most of all, human emotions just like people at home.

The biggest thing the trip taught me was courage. I learned not to be afraid of people because they seem different. I tasted new foods I had never heard of and even got a taste of Aguardiente, an anise-flavored liquor made in Colombia. My mother would have been appalled if she had known, but probably not surprised. The experience taught me how to meet new people and enjoy doing it. And I finally understood the importance of being positive in difficult situations.

Beyond the educational value of the trip, there have been many perks in the years since. For one thing, I have many photos of myself as a teenager that I wouldn’t have had if I had stayed home. This was before phones had cameras and back when the only way to see your picture was to have film developed, which would have been costly had Strade Studios not provided that service for me.

Most of all, I made memories that I would not have made at home. I have never exactly used those memories when writing fiction, but the emotions I felt during those times often come out in the stories I write. And, if I ever choose to write a story that takes place outside the U.S., I will have a better understanding of what to look for when I do my research.

Plus, don’t forget that I get to be someone who has done something unusual that few people get the opportunity to do. It is a great conversation starter with people who are unfamiliar with the country or with exchange programs. It helps this shy small town girl feel a part of the larger world, just as music did for my character Cheryl from “Loving the Missing Link.”

I can’t thank the Hamilton Rotary Club enough for sponsoring me on the trip, providing a scholarship to help pay my way. I am also indebted to Mr. Blakely, my high school Spanish teacher, who taught me so much that I could communicate adequately with my Colombian host parents and the other people I met there. My parents were the final piece of the puzzle. My mother has said often that she was afraid for me, so it was a great sacrifice for her to allow me to go. And my father was so happy when I asked to go that what started out as a pipe dream for me became a reality that altered my existence forever.

Check out Loving the Missing Link at Amazon http://ow.ly/oxCUt

Oh, Those Moody, Moody Writers!

Authors have a reputation for being moody. In fact, all artists are seen as very emotional humans. Certainly, writers – at least writers of fiction – need to be in touch with their emotions to create real, believable characters.

What is sad is when authors allow their emotions to overcome their productivity. It is one thing to be emotional, and quite another when they are so far gone they can’t write.

I have just recovered from a bout of depression. Many writers face the same thing. For one thing, many writers are not social creatures by nature. This makes it hard for these writers to be around the very people who would love them, support them and make them smile.

Of course, there are great numbers of writers who never face this problem. Unfortunately, I am not one of them.

I want to be productive as much as possible, so I will share with you my techniques for breaking the depression and getting back to writing.

Stick With Positive People

No matter how difficult it may seem when I am in the throes of melancholy, I make the effort to spend time with friends and family who are positive and supportive. If not all of the time, at least as much as I can. It seems obvious that negative people will bring me down further into sadness. Yet, when it is going on, sometimes, I just want to wallow in it. There it is. I admit it. But, I make an intellectual choice to ignore this desire and do the things that will help me get back to my computer to write.

Fake It

In Loving the Missing Link, there is a strong character who tells my protagonist, “Laugh.”
Cheryl says, “I can’t laugh. That’s ridiculous. Laughing happens when it happens, you can’t force it.”
I’m here to tell you that you certainly can laugh, smile, and talk and think about positive things even when you are feeling down. If you are feeling this way, try it. Have you ever gone to a party you didn’t want to go to because you were too upset? This is what happens to me sometimes: To be polite, I join in the conversations and try not to bring anybody down. I laugh when someone tells a joke I know is funny and I smile graciously to let people know I appreciate being included. As the party goes on, I begin to start enjoying myself. It seems like an absolute miracle!

Think About the Good Things in My Life

This time it was easier. I knew I had done a great job on my first book, and was getting a lot of encouraging feedback about it. A journalist from my hometown paper had done me the honor of requesting a copy of my book, my bio, and my picture for a feature in their local paper. Positive things were happening, and, although my mood was low, I couldn’t help recognizing that things were really going well, even if I didn’t feel that way. I have to be patient, because sometimes it takes awhile before I start feeling the change, but slowly, it did happen.

When All Else Fails, Seek Help

Many people, writers included, feel that taking an antidepressant or visiting a counselor will stifle their creativity. But let me ask you one thing: If you are so depressed that you can’t get out of bed, are you going to be creative? Productive? Probably not. So, I do what I have to do until we break the back of the depression. This time, it only took three weeks. I think it was mainly because I saw my productivity and the quality of my work slipping away, and I went to my doctor as quickly as possible. That was what finally banished my depression completely. If I had it to do over, I would do it in a heartbeat.

For me, it is much too easy to tell myself it’s OK to be moody. There have been so many great artists who have struggled with this problem. And I do believe most of them fought the good fight as well as they could. After all, if they had been too deeply depressed to produce, they would have been devastated. And most writers I know can’t abide not writing for long.

So, if your emotions have gotten the better of you, make a plan. Then, have the discipline to carry it out. You can do it. I know you can.

Excerpt from Loving the Missing Link – Cheryl Begins Her Story

Loving the Missing Link is now available on Amazon, both as a print book and a Kindle edition. You can read more on the “Look Inside” feature, but here is a little taste of what I have in store for you:

“I never intended to be a bassoon player in the first place. I just wanted to be in the band. I’d heard the kids talking about their trips-like staying at the Ramada Inn for band contests. Orgies in someone’s hotel room. Not that I knew exactly what they meant by that, but I vaguely connected it with sophistication. I imagined it was what kids from New York did on a regular basis-the real New York, that is. Not the New York I grew up in, a hick town in Missouri.

It had always been my private fantasy that some guy from New York City brought his poor relation out to Missouri so he wouldn’t clutter up his swanky uptown apartment. Dumped him in the middle of nowhere like people dump a mutt that won’t be housetrained. Given him his own little town.

Of course, the poor relation had to go and name the town New York. And his cousin-third cousin twice removed-never spoke to him again.
Well, that’s the explanation I came up with for why our town was named New York. And for why nothing ever happened there.

But the band offered a link to the outside…”

Check me out on Amazon.

Join My Virtual Book Launch Party and Sign Up for a Giveaway!

I am having a virtual book launch party on my Facebook Page on July 26-27, 2013. The fun starts at noon central time on the 26th and ends at 3pm on the 27th. Just visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/JuliaAselThomas

Leave your comment about high school bands and enter to win your personal signed copy of my debut novel, Loving the Missing Link!

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Got Lots of Excuses Not to Write? Time to Put on Your Big Girl Panties and Get to Work!

My daughter-in-law, as well as a lot of other people I know, loves to talk about “putting on your big girl panties.” Of course, it can refer to any rough job you have to do, from confronting an old enemy to going to work when you don’t feel well. If you know the job has to be done, you have to put on some kind of armor to get you through the day, and big girl panties work as well as any other.

Big girl panties are amazing at squelching the entire gamut of excuses we have to do the things we are trying to avoid. Unfortunately, there are times when I just don’t feel like sitting down at the computer and pounding out something worthwhile. Or don’t think I’m able. Well, when that happens, I force myself to do what I don’t want to do or don’t think I can do. I put on those big old panties and forge ahead. Here are some of the writing problems I have had to overcome and how I have done it.

I Don’t Feel Well Enough to Write
When I am feeling lousy, it is not a time to try to produce anything worthy of being published immediately. There is too much of a chance that my illness will distract me enough to ruin my work. That doesn’t mean I take the day off of writing. Even if I can only write for 15 minutes, I do it. I do it because I don’t want to get out of my routine, and because it often helps me feel better both mentally and even physically.

The Stress Is Killing Me Around Here!

Stress and anxiety have been a major problem for me. In the past, anxiety kept me from following my dreams, meeting new people, and even keeping up with household chores. Thank goodness my husband is not afraid to do a dish or sweep a floor. But in recent years, I have learned to work with my anxiety. Instead of letting it destroy my happiness, I manage it like I would manage an unruly child. I observe the times, places and situations that make me most relaxed, and I take advantage of them constantly. For example, I write every night from midnight to 7am. That is the time when my anxiety is at its lowest point and when I can be most productive. Instead of telling myself it is impossible to write when I feel anxious, I put on those big old pants and arrange my schedule so I can get it done. I wouldn’t recommend this sleep schedule for everyone, but it works for me.

The Noise Is Overpowering!

When the noise is just too much around your house to get any work done, look for places where you can get the least amount of audio interference. I have an office/laundry room where I write when things are too loud for me. If I am still hearing too much outside interference, I just do some laundry. Of course, it does make noise, but it is like white noise, blocking out unwanted sounds while creating no sudden noises of its own.

My Kids Won’t Let Me Write!

Hey, don’t blame it on your kids! If you really wanted to write, you would find a way. Night writing works for some people. Others get creative in finding ways to occupy their children while they work. The kids can do art projects or even write their own stories while you are occupied. If all else fails, you can hire a babysitter or take your kids to the daycare center for a few hours each week. Then, use that time to write. If you are committed to your writing, it is not too great a sacrifice.

I Don’t Have Anything to Write About!

If that were true, you would not be interested I writing at all. Somewhere inside you, there is a story you want to tell. If you don’t realize what it is right away, there are several ways to deal with it. First, you can create some characters and put them into unusual situations. Have your character take a wrong turn o the way to work and see where it leads her. Or, you can spend some time simply observing the world around you. Take along something to record your observations. Then, go through these notes until something sparks your interest. A creative writing teacher (mine and a lot of others I imagine) used to always say, “Writers write.” The point is, if you want to be a writer, don’t just talk about writing, don’t just dream about writing. No, if you want to be a writer, pick up a pen, sink your fingers into your computer keyboard, talk into a recorder, or whatever you have to do to get the story started. It doesn’t matter if every word is not a jewel. You can work o it more later. In the meantime, put on those big girl panties and start writing!

Wow! Self-Publishing Was Easier Than I Expected!

As you might have figured out, I finished writing my book, Loving the Missing Link, and have already published it. It is now available on Amazon.com, both as a paperback and as a Kindle download. For a very short time, the Kindle edition will be offered at the discounted price of $.99. I will be doing a blog tour in September, so watch for my guest posts on several fiction-writing blogs.

Okay then, enough of business. I thought I would share a little of the process I went through in self-publishing my book. Don’t get me wrong – I believe strongly in the value of my book, and I believe it could have been published through the traditional process. But, I decided that I wanted to be in charge of my publishing and get the book out there as quickly as possible. That is when I read about CreateSpace, a self-publishing platform.

I had been looking for a copy editor to look over the book and make corrections and suggestions to help me make it even better. I wanted someone local, in the Kansas City area, but all my attempts failed. An editor would promise to do the work and then drop off the face of the earth. Another so-called editor did the work, but failed to provide any real value in improving it. Fortunately, I found out that CreateSpace had many publishing services, including copy editing. While there were many steps in the process of self-publication that I could do on my own, I knew I needed an expert copy editor, and one who would be ruthless in pointing out every misplaced comma and plot inconsistency. I found that person at CreateSpace, and Loving the Missing Link is a much better book because of it. This was a paid service, but the value of the service provided was above and beyond the price I paid. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

CreateSpace also offered me advice on formatting and other aspects of self-publishing through both their official information pages and their rich forums. It turned out to be very easy to do. All I had to do was pay attention to a few formatting tricks and write my novel in a simple Word document. When I uploaded the novel to their site, there were all kinds of features to help me get the book just the way I wanted it. I created my own cover as well, using their Cover Creator program. It probably took me 15 minutes to get it right.

Whenever I had a question, customer support was there to answer it. I felt well-cared for at CreateSpace, and I would recommend them to anyone interested in self-publishing a book. I know. It sounds like I am advertising for CreateSpace. Maybe I am a little, but I was so pleased with their services that I can’t help but share.

There are several other self-publishing services on the web. I have talked to several people who like BookBaby and others. With all the resources available to writers now, and the various self-publishing platforms that can help you refine your work and get it out to your audience, there is no reason why anyone who wants to publish a book needs to wait. If you are ready to embark on that adventure, I wish you all the good fortune I have had. I thought it was going to be a nightmare, but instead, it was incredibly simple. And for that, I am extremely grateful.

Young Cheryl Speaks…On Hope

“I don’t see what’s so great about having big plans and dreams. They never amount to anything. Just ask Dad. He hoped to be foreman at his job by now, and look where he is. Slogging to work every day with a sad look on his face. Going straight to bed after supper without even watching the news like he used to. He is beaten. He knows it and I know it.
“But at least he isn’t like Mom. She can manufacture hope out of nothing. She didn’t get discouraged when Dad didn’t climb up the corporate ladder. No. That would have been too easy. Instead, she turned her hope on me – full force. I try to ignore her as much as possible. She is a boring, babbling idiot.
“I don’t want to be mean, but she should get a life of her own. Quit bothering me for a change. I would rather hang around the café or the baseball park with Jerry. He knows me too well to try to turn me into a success. He likes me without that. I wouldn’t say I have fallen in love with Jerry, or anything as sappy as that. I just know him and he knows me. It means a lot in a town where everybody thinks they know you but really don’t have a clue about the thoughts that fill your mind.
“This town is – oh – it is crazy, and all the people in it are crazy too. Mom doesn’t think so. She thinks it’s the damn cradle of civilization or something. She thinks I’m going to become something great, and she thinks it has something to do with living here. I don’t understand it, but she thinks I will leave this town and conquer the world. She’s really the one that’s crazy.
“I guess it’s just not something I want to think about. Hope toys with you. It gets you excited, knocks you down and leaves you on the floor. Then, it goes away as quickly as it came, with you waiting for a rescue. Well, I don’t want to put myself in that position anymore. I just want to live my life, take what comes, and try to find a place where everybody is not so snoopy and judgmental. Why can’t she understand that? All I want is to be free of her and her impossible ambitions. All I want is to find a place where hope is far away and real life is what it’s all about. All I want is peace.”

Survival Mode

I have often wondered about the theory of “Survival of the Fittest,” and how it applies to modern life. In current times, we have a lot of help in surviving, even if we are not very fit. You might not live a long, healthy life, but many people can survive for a very long time in a sickened, weakened state. My thinking on the subject is that you do not have to be fit to survive in the 21st century.  On the other hand, you have to be fit to really thrive.

So, what does fitness mean these days? First, it means physical fitness. As a writer, I could sit around all day, pecking at the keyboard and never getting off my desk chair. Some writers do this and still succeed at writing. The problem is, they cannot fully enjoy their success if they do not take care of their health.

The truth is that physical fitness can help you build your brainpower. Doctors and researchers have known for years that mental health is enhanced by exercise and a healthy diet.  It stands to reason that, no matter how you use your mind, it will serve you better if you keep those brain chemicals happy to get the most out of your mental processes.

Mental fitness is also important to thrive. Many writers feel that a touch of madness, despair or hopelessness can bring them to a place where their writing is more passionate and relatable. Maybe it works for them, but for me it seems better to be mentally fit as well as physically fit. Your thoughts and feelings need not be depressed or disturbed to write well. In fact, you have more control over your writing if your mind is functioning at its best. And, your passion is more sustainable if you are in an emotionally sound frame of mind.

The way I exercise my mental capacities is to write nonfiction. Specifically, I am working for Internet copywriting services. My favorite, and the one I am most loyal to, is Article Write Up. There, the atmosphere is more personal and meets the writer’s needs more fully. Article Write Up is also a place where the client’s needs are the first order of business. It primes the pump for better fiction writing.

I write for a number of copywriting services. It is not a glamorous job, but one where I have to write according to someone else’s standards. This is helpful to me, because it keeps me honest. I cannot tell myself “grammar does not matter” or “it does not matter who reads my writing; as long as I keep at it, I will eventually succeed.”

Instead, I am quite aware that I have an audience, and my audience expects me to follow certain conventions. This audience wants particular things from my fiction. It is not a matter of sacrificing freedom of expression. It is simply a matter of meeting your readers’ basic needs.

The most important need the reader has is to have questions answered eventually. Not every question must be completely spelled out, but it needs to be addressed in some way.  If you set up a contract with the reader, she will be happier if you follow through in some way. In “Loving the Missing Link,” I started out with a great story, but one that left too many questions unanswered.

Now that I have worked in nonfiction, I have learned to satisfy the client (reader). In fiction, I do not have the same commitment to doing what the reader wants, but I do have to keep her interested. I have a goal to meet, and my healthy passion will help me reach that objective. Survival of the fittest may no longer be true, but I plan to thrive in writing through my physical, mental and emotional fitness. The plan seems to be working well. At least, I know I will have the capacity to finish if I take care of my needs as well as the readers’.

“Loving the Missing Link” Begins

To say my novel is just beginning is certainly stretching it a bit. It started out as a short story a long time ago. Since then, the story has grown and blossomed. I am busy writing again, building on the original story to create fuller lives for my characters. I hope you will follow along as I go through the process of writing, editing and publishing “Loving the Missing Link.”

Right now, I am roughly 1/3rd of the way through my first draft. Although I am a full-time writer, I spend a lot of time working for other people to pay the bills and to save for ePublishing services. No matter what kind of writing I am doing at the moment, I enjoy it and find it incredibly exciting.

I have been networking with some other writers, too. One piece of advice that I really needed was: “Finish your first draft before you do your edits. Never, never do a major rewrite before you get through it once.”

It makes sense the more I think about it. Without knowing where I am going with the story, I do not know how to edit effectively. Once I do, though, I will tear it to shreds if I have to in order to make the most of my ideas. Besides, rules may be meant to be broken, but I think you have to be dead familiar with the rules before you understand when to break them. But only time will tell…

With my early draft of “Loving the Missing Link,” I am telling the story of a young woman who finds it hard to find hope in the world. Her mother, on the other hand, is brimming with exciting plans. The trouble is, the mother’s plans never seem to work out. My protagonist, Cheryl, feels even more hopeless every time her mother fails.

It is a sad story, in a way, but Cheryl has a wry sense of humor. She is a little sarcastic at times, I have to admit. I am using the first-person narrative to show how she assesses her life and how she feels prone to react.

At the current point in my writing, Cheryl has finally made it our of her tiny town and into a bigger little town. She shuns hope, but I believe she will ultimately find it. The story is in its infancy really, even though a part of it was written over a decade ago. It is a big, whiny baby, waiting for me to spend time with it and nurture it into full-fledged reality. I am ready to spend those extra hours. As I do, I will be checking back in with updates on my book and my writing experience. Stay with me to the end, and I will give you a story that will touch you deeply. Along the way, I hope to add a bit of Cheryl’s sense of humor to the mix. Come along and enjoy the ride!